Subject: Self Introduction Letter
Dear Prof Brad,
I am writing to introduce myself formally to you. I am Aisyah Farhanah from tutorial group 5 of your effective communication module. I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma in aviation management and services. Through my course, I realised the many projects that had been implemented by Changi Airport such as Jewel. I know that these construction projects take a lot of planning and was curious on the process of construction. I had to assess the site map of the Jewel as part of the project that I did in the course. I was clueless on the map and had to do research to know more. This research cultivated my interest towards CVE as I became curious to know more on construction drawings. I also wanted to know how major buildings are built in a way that is safe for the general public. CVE offered the answers to my questions thus I decided to apply for Civil Engineering (CVE) in Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT) to find out more.
My communication strength is that I am a good listener. As quoted by Michael, “Remember, there are always two sides to every
story. Understanding is a three-edged sword. Your side, their side and the
truth in the middle. Get all the facts before you jump to conclusions.”, I will
listen to all the details before creating an opinion or picking sides. For example, whenever quarrels would happen between my siblings, I would listen to both parties side of the story. This is to ensure that I understand the root
of the quarrels. Once both parties have
explained their side, I will be able to know what happened and solve the issue.
My communication weakness is that I tend to lose confidence
and get nervous when speaking in front of people. I experienced it when I was
tasked to present in Damai Secondary School for public speaking. I had prepared for the presentation many
times but once I stood on the stage, I forgot the script that I had prepared
and stuttered through the presentation.
My main goal in attending your classes is to improve on my
weakness. An improvement in my weakness would provide a positive impact on my
communication skills. I aim to be more confident during presentations. Another
goal that I have for this module is to improve on my writing skills. I aim to
be a more engaging writer who will attract readers attention. With your
guidance, I am sure that I will be able to achieve my goals.
Best Regards,
Aisyah
Group 5
(Edited: 5 April 2021)
Thanks very much, Aisyah. I appreciate you having written the letter and posting it. Now I look forward to reading comments by your peers.
ReplyDeleteHi Aisyah, thank you for your sharing. You may improve this letter by shortening the sentences and keeping the ideas concise. You might want to review the grammar and punctuation in your letter for better coherence.
ReplyDeleteOverall it has been a great read, keep up the good work!
Thank you Syakirah for the comment on improvements to be made. I will make improvements based on you comment ;)
DeleteDear Aisyah
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful letter you have written. Overall I would say that you have written a good letter. It is complete with the necessary details needed and it is not overly cluttered as seen from the good use of paragraphs.
On that note, I would like to comment on your use of language. It is decent, though there small changes that I hope you could make. In the last paragraph "...will attract readers attention', the word "readers" should be " readers' ". Also, it would be best if you had kept the sentences short and simple.
Overall this letter was great. Keep up the work and I hope you would be able to achieve your goals !
Regards
Sarah
Thank you Sarah for the comprehensive comment. I appreciate your comment a lot and will make the appropriate changes.
DeleteDear Aisyah,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this well developed letter of introduction. You follow the various assignment requirements and add some fine concrete detail. The sharing about the way you developed an interest in civil engineering is especially telling in terms of how it allows us to see into your past experience and future career path. Still, in this paragraph, I feel you could embellish a bit further. How did the fact that you dad works in the industry influence you? What made you curious to understand the planning stage of projects like Jewel?
I appreciate the detail you do provide in the sections about a perceived strength and weakness in communication. It's good to know that listening is one of your strengths and that you are a moderator in arguments beween your siblings.
Just take note that the quote you present, while it is interesting and appropriate, needs to be more correctly cited. Here is info on the person you quote: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/139949-understanding-is-a-three-edged-sword-your-side-their-side
You can also rest assured knowing you will be having more speaking opportunities as the term progresses, and presenting is a big part of those.
Your overall language fluency in this letter is quite good, but there are a couple issues for you to review:
1. clarity/correctness in words/phrasing
-- tutorial 5 > tutorial group 5
-- the school > which school--be specific
-- I aim to be a more engaging writer that will attract readers attention. >
I aim to be a more engaging writer WHO will attract my readers' attention.
2. clarity/correctness in sentence structure
-- I know that these construction projects take a lot of planning and was curious on the process of construction thus decided to apply for Civil Engineering (CVE) in Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT) to find out more. > (run on sentence)
-- As an elder sister, quarrels would happen between my siblings. > (It seems like the elder sister here is 'quarrels.')
I look forward to the next draft of this letter and to reading more from you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Professor Blackstone,
DeleteThank you for the in-depth comment on my letter. I am grateful for the comment as it highlighted the positive and negative points of my letter. With the changes, I am sure that my letter will be better and more complete.
Sincerely,
Aisyah